


2am

by JessIero



Category: Banana Bus Squad, H20 Delirious, Vanoss, VanossGaming
Genre: M/M, also a little bit of mental illness really sorry, evan bless ur heart, jon bless ur heart, mentions of MiniLadd lmao, my small children, okay listen i wrote this so long ago but a03 wont post it, so this yet again my not go up, ugh my poor babies, ughhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 05:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8877658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessIero/pseuds/JessIero
Summary: Based on 'Ive been texting my friend for about a week now but they dont reply but turns out i was texting a random person and there was some deep personal stuff i sent oh my god' etc etc





	

**Author's Note:**

> Listen ive tried to post this like three times now like i wrote it so long ago but but AO3 always cuts it off so yeah. Pray for me. Feedback is always apprieciated.  
> Love you alllll

'Fuck. My. Life.' Vanoss texted his friend, after another long day.   
'It's Evan btw lmaoo', he sent quickly after, remembering that this was his new number and probably didn't have him saved.   
He looked down at his phone almost five minutes later, still seeing no reply. They're a grown up with a grown up life, perfectly understandable to not be on their phone every minute of the day, and Vanoss understood that. So he got to watching some TV leaving his phone turned, just in case he got a reply. He knew it wasn't healthy or fair to depend on one person whenever they had a problem, but Evan was a really private person and didn't feel comfortable telling all his problems to everyone in the world. So if and when they replied to him, he'd tell them that he was having a really tough day and had some shitty thoughts again. But for now, he'll be okay. 

'Ugh dude I know you're busy and I respect that but fuck me its just not my fuckin week’ That guitar cost him $250 and it was fucking broken before he even got to use it. If he didn't have the anxiety, he'd call Fed-Ex and tell them where to shove that fuckin broken ass guitar. But he does, so he'll just see what he can do online.   
After writing the email, he skimmed back through it, checking he had taken all the bad words out. If he was nice enough he could get a new guitar asap. So he sent the email and put the broken guitar away, deciding sitting and staring at it was just getting him down. He considered going on the Xbox but he knew it would just get him angry and with a mixture of the mild depression he was feeling, he knew that was a bad mix that would end in something not so nice. He dragged himself downstairs and considered how he was going to make himself some food. He stared at the cupboards, willing them to open on their own and magically make the food for him, but after nearly 3 minutes of just standing there, he threw his arms down and left the kitchen. Pizza it was. Again. He glanced at the phone and considered calling them for once, 'Maybe I'm was getting better?' Evan thought. 'Lol maybe not' he thought as he opened his laptop and ordered it online. 

'Hey I can tell you're busy but like Craig I’m struggling so much honestly like I know it sounds pathetic but the bad thoughts are back idk can you just call me I really need to talk to you right now I appreciate it dude' Evan started to honestly believe that Craig had given up on him. He knew that his mental health was going down and that's kinda difficult to deal with but Craig had never been like this with him? Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the end of their friendship and he should just stop texting him. Evan curled his legs up into himself on his couch, not bothering to turn the TV on. He fell to the side, laying down and decided to let his aching mind rest. 

It was early hours of the morning when he woke up and he muttered swear words and insults at himself when he realised. He sat up and let his eyes adjust, trying not to fully wake up so he could just go slink into bed like he never woke up. However, Evan's ideas never seemed to go to plan. He stood up and started to walk around the couch when something made him freeze. Now Vanoss was a tough guy. Huge muscles, sporty type of guy, but hey, everyone has their fears. So when Evan thought he saw the bugs in the corner of his eyes he froze. A cold sweat lined the back of his neck and he didn't know whether to run or hit the ground. He felt like he was swallowing razors as he tried to push back the fear and tell himself that it's just not real. He closed his eyes and stepped forward. If he couldn't see them then he couldn't be scared, right? So he peaked his eye open and gathered his bearings. He glanced to the door and tried to position himself so he could then just walk and get to the stairs, or at least to the light switch, because he remembers that they don't like the light and that will make them leave. He closed his eye and just walked, trying not to think about the possibility that they were real and not just in his head. His walk turned to a speed walk, which turned to a light jog until he got to the other end of the room and hit the light switch before even opening his eyes. Light flooded through his eyelids and he opened them, ready to feel safe again and go back to being kinda tired but kinda awake at the same time. But that didn't happen. The bugs stayed there. In the corners of his eyes. On what seemed like every wall until he looked at it directly. Evan was stuck, absolutely dumbfounded because fuck, they were supposed to leave in the light? He felt his hands shaking and his breath catching as he got slightly dizzy, the weight of the world falling on him all at once. He stared right at the light switch and reached out to turn it off, hesitating slightly just to check, double check, triple check nothing was on that switch. He hit the button and the light went back out, but he was already out the room and partly up the stairs. His mind was whirring on whether or not to check his room for them or just climb straight into the bed or call Craig who wasn't fucking answering and also in a different country. He let his feet take him as he tried to count, in some weak attempt at calming his breathing down. 1, 2, 3, halfway up the stairs and 1, 2, 3, at the top of the stairs. His hands reached out to things around him before he could think about it, just to confirm, real or not real. He needed something to ground him but he wasn't sure just what that was. The cold inside of the freezer was downstairs and Evan's practically already decided to not go down there for the next twelve weeks. The hot tap was, well, hot and he knew that that wouldn't be beneficial for reasons he doesn't want to think about at the risk of making this whole fucking nightmare just that much worse. Evan dragged his legs to his bedroom and fell through the door, the slight jab of the handle into his hip another confirmation of real just before he shut his eyes as he fell down onto the bed. 

Evan woke up late that night, sighing at the pattern he knew he was worming himself into. He woke up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before sitting up and looking around him for his phone. He slumped back down, realising he'd left it downstairs and he was not fucking going down there. He reached under his bed, feeling around for the laptop that he placed there days before. Once his fingers grazed the side of the laptop, he gripped onto it and pulled it up to rest on his legs. He sat up as he opened the computer, waking it up and glancing at the corner of the screen. 'Thursday 14th April 10:37pm' Vanoss should have been at work today. The realisation creeps up his throat and puts its strong hand tightly around it, and all Evan can see are his shaking hands on the keys. And then, almost like a blessing in disguise, a wave of depression hits him. Smacks the anxiety out of him, leaving him catching his breath and tired again. Evan puts the laptop to the side of him and almost curls around it. He would cry if he could feel anything but its all back to the numbness this started off with. He closes his eyes with only one question on his mind, "When will this end?" Speaking aloud almost feels freeing. Like he's doing something, not much but something. It helps to break up the silence he's been living with. So Evan mutters a song to himself, not remembering all the words but that's okay, there's nobody here to realise. He slowly moves his legs out of the bed and lets them find the ground on their own. When they touch the cold floor below him, he mildly regrets the choice to try and beat a little depression whilst it's cold, but he doesn't move. He sits up, partially taking the cover with him until he takes his arms out from underneath it and it falls down, leaving him feeling a little exposed. He pulls some fluffy socks he doesn't remember buying out from his drawer and puts them on, because, you know....self care or something like that. He opens the door and steps outside of the room, slightly scared by all the dark, so he reaches round and turns the light on. Walking down the stairs, his mind starts going, as if the anxiety snuck back in but Vanoss just takes a deep breath and does what he does best, ignores it. He turned at the bottom of the stairs and went into the room in front of him, already looking at the table to see his phone. He reaches over and grabs it, not really looking around him, and turns back, heading straight back up the stairs. He clicks the screen and life smacks him in the face a little when no notifications meet him. He opens up his conversation with Craig, still nothing. Opens it up with Tyler, the conversation came to an end, so Tyler is probably still cool with him, right? His stomach rumbles, taking him away from his head for a second before he brushes it off and looks back at his phone. He sits back on his bed and sends another text to Craig, the genuine feeling of hopelessness washing over him. 

'Hey, so I’ve noticed you haven't really answered me these past few days, im sorry im so annoying lmao. But yeah idk I care about you a lot you know and I really do appreciate everything you've done for me. So idk I hope your phone just like...died or smth bc I miss you and idk it's getting tough again, Craig. I know you don't wanna hear it but idk who else to tell and it feels like it's rotting me away the longer I say nothing. I honestly don't think im gonna make it through this month dude. Im not saying that to scare you or anything I just really needed to say it somewhere. Im just like sick of everything like if im not anxious im depressed and I had another episode earlier and I don't know I just can't fuckin do this for much longer.' The tears spilt over his eyelids and he cried for everything. He cried for the feelings he's been having recently, he cried for the episode he had, he cried for the regret of that message and he cried because of how true it was. 

The ringing woke him up. "Who the fuck calls someone at 2am?" Evan picked up the phone and his heart sank a little when he saw Craig's name flashing up.   
"Hey Craig im sorry about that message dude I don't know just like ignore it or something please?"  
"Ermmmmmmm.......so"   
Evan froze. This isn't Craig. He checked the screen again, seeing Craig's name but that was not Craig. He could have punched himself in the face when he realised he'd sent this random person some disgustingly personal messages.  
"I got your messages", it's like he read his mind or something, "and im not, erm, Craig?" The stranger said.   
"Im sorry." Vanoss muttered out.   
"Hey, hey, no, no it's totally okay. I mean, wrong number and shit like not your fault dude. At least it wasn't nudes though, am I right?" Evan heard the stranger laughing at his own joke down the other end as he let out a little giggle.   
"Yeah, I guess" he stopped to laugh before he came back down to the reality of the situation, "but they were still some really serious messages and like you shouldn't have had to deal with them, I don't kno-"  
"Nahhhhh dude" either Evan was really tired or this guy is slurring his sentences.   
"It's totally fine okayyy? I was just a bit erm, worried and a bit drunk so I thought I'd call you" he let out a laugh that sounded like it was through gritted teeth. Evan listened to him and realised that this was just a drunk phone call that the stranger would forget in the morning. He also really needs to get Craig's real number.   
"Yeah, well again like im sorry about worrying you. Thank you for calling me, I guess?" Evan scratched his neck, kinda stumped at what to say. There was some silence from the other end of the line.   
"...you aren't gonna do it are you?" The voice almost whispered. Evan's heart sank.   
"Erm..." Evan didn't even know what to say. Is it wrong to lie to a stranger?  
"please don't." A small cough came from Evan, nearly choking on his own spit.   
"I don't even know you and I really don't want you to. Even I know you're better than that, and I don't know you. What's your name?"   
"Evan."  
"Well Evan," he heard him pause as it sounded like he laid down or something, "I'm Jonathan, but I don't like that so call me Jon, yeah? But anyway...Evan, you are worth more than that and you can get better and get help with whatever you're dealing with"   
"I know. Thank you. I'll look into it." Evan mumbled.   
"No cause I’ve heard that bullshit before. You'll say that then like put the phone down then do something stupid- and, and that's all it is! Stupid! You're clearly a good person, I saw in your text you cared about your friend even when you were feeling that bad, so you're clearly a good guy. So whatever you're thinking about doing, stop it because it would be a pure fucking shame to see someone like you go...dude?"  
Evan tried to hold back the crying, but the hitched breaths gave him away as the tears ran down his cheeks.   
"Noooooooooo shittttttttttttttt I didn't mean to- errrrr fuck. Im sorryy no please don't cry" the voice panicked.   
"It's-erm it's fine just yeah you're really nice and Im not really used to that" Evan spluttered out.   
"Well that's heartbreaking. Hey, j-just move in with me I'll make you shitty pancakes and be nice to you forever!" Jon sounded pretty sure of himself as Evan let out a giggle.   
"Yeah yeah sure, let me just pack my shit up and I'll be round in five yeah?"  
"Yeah good. I mean Luke can just fuckin sleep on the couch when he comes round and you can steal his bed and we can watch shitty movies like all the tiiiiiiiiime and play Cod and shit" Jon slurred out.   
"Yeah perfect dude, what's you're gamertag? We can play together and stuff-I mean if you want?" Evan stuttered.   
"It's H2O Delirious, don't ask but wait no fuck that! Thought you were moving in?"  
"I live in Canada dude" Evan laughed.   
"I live in North Carolina but fuck that! That's what planes are for? Just come over and I'll be your teddy bear we can cuddle?" Jon giggled.   
"You're cute, but very drunk"  
"You're making me blush, Mr Evannn"  
Evan laughed, "you should sleep, you're probably gonna have a nice hangover in the morning."  
"Yeah probably" Jon hiccuped, "you're still gonna text me though, right? This isn't just a booty call"   
"Yeah of course I will" Evan laughed as he wrapped himself up in his covers, "thank you so much for this by the way, I don't think you'll ever understand how much it's meant to me to have someone who cares while im going through such shitty stuff"  
Jon smiled as he rubbed over the faded scars on his wrist, "yeah, maybe I don't"

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh so what did you think?? I refuse to read it again cause its kinda personal lmaooo so ill take any of your words about it ;)  
> Also my tumblr is HighlyUnlikelyButNotImpossiblee (I know its long im sorry) but yeah come talk to me or smth give me prompts tell me about your day idc


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